Few things are more objectively annoying than seeing yet another gaggle of morons saddle up to some famous landmark, whip out the camera, and do the exact same crap everyone else on Earth does. Not only is it annoying, it’s depressing, especially since a little imagination can yield results that are both more interesting and funny.
So when you come across these iconic tourist traps, don’t just copy every other loser out there. But don’t ignore these landmarks either; they’re iconic for a reason, after all. Just take your cues from the following people, and get creative. It’ll make for a far more intriguing icebreaker than “and then 25 MORE people showed up and did exactly what I just did. It was sooooo cool!”
4. Holding Up The Leaning Tower Of Pisa
This is easily the most overused tourist pose in history: “the Tower is about to fall down, I must hold it up, for I am Strong Man grrrrrr.” Anybody with the unfortunate fate of stumbling upon a dozen or so rank-and-file sandal-and-short soldiers doing this crap at the same time, all within five feet of one another, is borderline heartbreaking.
So try something else. This guy didn’t just like the Tower, he LOVED it, and wasn’t above showcasing his love with a little PDA:
These two, on the other hand, were definitely not the romantic types; they just wanted to get down and dirty. And boy, did they ever:
And then you have this man, clearly wrestling with anger issues, who was so sick of people holding the Tower up, that he just kicked the damn thing down. Sorry robots; go find something else to do:
For your own venture to the Tower, feel free to do something we’ve always wanted to do, but never had the shutterbug skills to pull off: tackle it. Just run towards it like you’re about to sack the quarterback, and have the camera click once you make forced-perspective contact. You can chalk up any weird looks you get to pure jealousy.
3. Posing Like Christ The Redeemer
You know this one: the giant Jesus statue has his arms spread out, and so must we mere mortals. This one doesn’t have much variation at all, probably for one good reason: it’s a giant statue of Jesus, in Brasil. They tend to take that guy mighty serious over there, so if you’re caught doing just about anything other than staring at him in awe, praying, or posing reverently, then you could very well be putting your life on the line.
That didn’t stop this one guy from getting cute though:
Sticking Jesus in the middle of a Brasilian license plate is extremely creative, and potentially lucrative as Hell. How many Jesus license plates are out there, despite the butt of your car being an extremely stupid (and dirty) place to stick a picture of the guy? There are a crapton, so selling ones with the Christ Statue dead center? You’d be able to buy Heaven with all the money that thing would pull in.
As for you? Well, if nobody’s around to beat your heathen ass to a bloody pulp, try tickling Jesus’s underarms, or maybe stuff your face into his stinky pits, like he was the holiest of all Nasty Boys.
2. Kiss The Sphinx
If you squint your eyes real hard, it maybe-kinda-sorta looks like the Great Sphinx Of Giza is puckering up. So of course, everybody has to return the favor and give him a big ol’ smooch. Problem being, 98% of them are barely doing anything, like they’re pecking their great-grandma on the cheek. Now granted, the Sphinx is about 4500 years old, and makes your grandma seem nubile in comparison, but that’s no excuse to let it remain so lonely and neglected. So get in there and show some love! Let that lion-man-whatever-thing know you really care! Like this young lady did:
She’s got her arms wrapped around his neck, and she is ready to go. If that camera had arrived fifteen seconds later, we’d be linking to porn and then we’d be shut down. So thank God they took the shot when they did.
If you’re more of the sweet and adorable type, you could always Eskimo kiss, like Mr. Romantic here. Just don’t be shocked if the Sphinx murders you for ignoring its complete lack of nose:
And then you have this lady. Not interested in sucking face with a giant chunk of stone, she decided instead to troll it, with a game of Got Your Nose. No word on if she woke up the next morning with venomous snakes in her bed, but it’s the Sphinx, so more than likely yes:
It’s hard to top Got Your Nose, but if you visit Egypt, and pick the Sphinx’s invisible nose, you’ll have our ever-lasting respect. Just don’t come crying about the snakes.
1. Jumping In Front Of The Taj Mahal
The other tourist poses at least make contextual sense. This one, though, is just plain dumb. Jumping in front of the Taj Mahal? Why, so you can pretend you’re jumping real high? You uncreative tourists are really stretching for ideas here.
There’s sadly not a lot of variety here, so this guy gets all the points:
Talk about painful. At least the Pisa Tower guy was lying down; this dude got straight-up impaled. And yet, look at that big contented grin of his. He may be bleeding internally for the next week, but he’s clearly enjoying himself. And isn’t that what a vacation is all about?
Another dumb Taj Mahal activity is to pretend that you’re picking it up by its tip. Everyone on the planet does this, but nobody takes advantage of the Reflecting Pool below. This shot was unintentional, but consider it a jumping-off point for your next holiday:
You can see the Taj Mahal perfectly through the water, albeit the wrong way, so why not pretend you’re the strongest man in the Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night universe, and lift an upside-down castle all by yourself? It might be silly, but it’s a better use of that water than some dumb ol’ baptism.
Jason Iannone is a humorist and editor for hire. His Facebook is a rockin’ party, and his Twitter is the awesome afterparty. Tumblr is where he rides out the hangover, and archives anything he writes from anywhere.